The Same Old

So something me and my husband always disagree about is how we should connect spend time as a couple in the evenings after hours.  On the weekends he feels it is his right if he wants to go in the garage Friday night Saturday night and maybe even Sunday night to have beer or two and have his swishers. I would like one of those nights to be about us connecting as a couple. Not just having sex.

 I have even as much as suggested that we go to counseling so that we can strengthen our marriage on bond and he has flat out refused. So tonight for example he wants to be intimate with me and then go spend the remainder of his evening in the garage. So then I’m left after we’ve had sex laying in bed alone. I go to bed alone most nights of the week already. It seems really selfish of him on a time where we should be cuddling and enjoying each other‘s company after sex that he would be OK with leaving me here by myself but he absolutely is.

 I had an argument about a week ago when I suggested counseling again and I decided that at least once a week if he initiate sex I will have it even if I’m not in the mood so then I’m not leaving him high and dry so to speak. Well that night was last night after he went in the garage and had his beer and had his swishers he wanted to fool around  and I agreed. And I have said on countless occasions that I don’t like or better yet I’m not attracted to him smelling like beer and or Swishers no matter how much she showers and brushes his teeth and use mouthwash is still there and I find it unattractive.

Fast forward to tonight which is a Saturday night and he is in the garage. He is calling me spiteful because I don’t want to either fool around to be left in bed alone or wait up for him to do what he does every weekend night almost. According to him I’m not compromising. Which is interesting because I feel like I’m compromising what I want in a spouse in this regard on a nightly basis.

Truthfully the idea of 20-30 years of this is exhausting and undesirable to me. I don’t want a passionless marriage but that is exactly what I feel like we have.  Yes we have sex yes he’s attracted me and most of the time I’m attracted to him but there are things he does that or so on attractive and so I am considering that it slow eats away at my desire to be intimate with him.

So tomorrow I can count on him being an ass to me because I won’t wait up and he would like to stay up late and then wake me from my sleep so he can fuck me. But he doesn’t wanna lay in bed is have sex and then us fall asleep together like a normal married couple.

The only person he cares about in this scenario of late nights and beer and Swishers is himself. He doesn’t take any consideration for my needs at all.

Matter of fact he has as much as told me that the idea of laying in bed and talking before falling asleep is a stupid idea and why can’t we just sit on the couch and do it and then go to bed. Which is interesting considering he never wants to go to bed unless.

Anyway that’s enough of what I’m going through for the night and for the time being. But it is why I Kinda do what I want to do as far as getting up and going to exercise in the morning because every night he does whatever he wants to do. So if he’s entitled to his nighttime happiness and that unhealthy format, then I’m entitled to mine in the daytime.

 Confession though it makes me worry and sad in terms of what I think my marriage looking like 10 years from now.

textbook definition

un·set·tled/ˌənˈsetld/Adjective

1. Lacking stability: "an unsettled childhood".

2. Worried and uneasy

I was looking up on google for an image to serve as a face/logo for this blog. I ran across  this definition. I thought it was very appropriate. I will be spending so much time elaborating on why this blog has the title that it does.